I used to think a student's life
Was as easy as could be.
Do your homework, study for exams
The rest was all carefree.
It didn't change by very much
When I entered HCI
My days were spent mostly gaming
with a computer and WiFi.
My seniors tried to warn me
Of the coming Sec 2 struggle.
Of the workloads so astounding
Of how much I'd have to juggle.
I didn't see how it could be
In the later months of school
I should have heeded their advice
Instead of dismissing it as uncool.
I only got the real message
When I was promoted to Sec 2
Projects, ACE, CIP, Homework,
There was so much I had to do.
I felt like breaking down sometimes
While I tried hard to adjust back
After a long, two-month break
My inclination was to slack.
I ranted all day, muttering under my breath,
Complained about life being stressful .
Teachers shrugged it off as normal.
I felt it was completely disrespectful.
Then I realised one key thing
I had completely neglected.
A student's life was supposed to be tough
As it was in your report books reflected.
The school is a time to train yourself
To learn to cope with stress
Like eating enough, drinking enough
And getting adequate rest.
By heat of day, by cool of night
I worked and toiled and finished
The once great mountain of homework
Now seemed greatly diminished.
My results sprung back upwards
To where they had previously been.
Scarcely two months ago
In the year I was thirteen.
Miss Yeo now said "Keep it up!"
Rather than "Do the work on the day it's dated!"
My mum's nags and reminders
Also slowly, evaporated.
Now I think a student's life
Is, granted, really hard.
But now I'm wiser from the times
That I learned how to play my cards.
This is an orignal composition by me. It capitalises on my experiences during the past two years in school. I really want people to be able to find out about the tremendous shift between Sec 1 and Sec 2. I learned all this the hard way in Sec 2, when I made the transition. Thankfully I still got good grades in Sec 1, and in Term 1 of Sec 2 while I was changing my attitude, getting new perspectives. I learned that through a combination of hard work, discipline and a little bit of talent, one can achieve stellar results not just in academic areas, but also in other areas like sports and art. I didn't really believe this personally before that, because I always thought it was more talent than anything else because I noticed some of my friends struggling with academic subjects like Language Arts and Integrated Humanities which required high capacity for judgement. I believed that they would never be able to break past a certain limit, because of their lack of talent. What I didn't notice was that my own talent in such areas was also not very high, because of my Asperger's Syndrome. So it was actually my hard work and not my talent that drove me to success.
I also realised this can apply to every aspect of life. Eating healthy, balanced meals takes discipline to avoid overeating or indulging too much in rich foods. Doing homework takes both hard work to do the necessary readings and discipline not to be distracted. Completing projects takes all three, working hard in the form of researching/typing out the reports, staying disciplined in the form of completing things by certain deadlines or achieving certain targets, and talent in whichever field the project is based in. Even after we grow up, it still takes a proper balance of talent, work and discipline to be one of those very successful people who go down in history forever. Thomas Edison once said that, "Success is ninety-nine percent perspiration and one percent inspiration. I beg to differ. For me, success is made up of 70% hard work, 20% discipline and 10% talent. I would like to point out this may not apply for everyone, and everybody should find their own balance of hard work, discipline and talent. They can compensate for lack of talent by working harder or being more disciplined.
Mainly though, I'd just like to share my personal experiences with my followers. Thanks to Ivan and Kee Xuan for commenting to help me improve this poem! :D Please comment so I can edit and review.
Great poem!
ReplyDeleteI see that a there is a certain rhythm to the poem and rhymes are also used. The last stanza also relates back to the first stanza where the thoughts of the student changed. The use of 1st person voice ideally demonstrates the true feelings of the persona and we are able to see the transition of the mindset of the persona. There is an introduction, rising action, climax and falling action as well.
The poem also accurately and adequately portrays the changes and differences between Sec 1 and Sec 2. When I first read the poem, I felt that I could really relate to it. The poem also gave me an inspiration and meaning to studying.
I would like to share a related poem entitled School Life by Cheyrl Theseira. Although it may not be a famous poem, it reflects the true life and recount of a student. http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/teen/poetry.asp?poem=22885
The poem incorporates dialogue that moves the poem and affirms the viewpoint of a parent. I suggest that you can also use dialogue in the 1st or 7th stanza to show their perspective instead of telling us. You might also want to use some metaphors to make the poem more interesting to read.
You might also want to change the structure of the poem a little. The example I had given had 4 "negative" stanzas, 4 contrasting "positive" stanzas and one overall summary. This can be applied to this 12-stanza poem instead of an unbalanced 7-5 stanza split, unless you have an underlying purpose for doing so.
Regards,
Ivan
Daniel,
ReplyDeleteThis is a very well done poem! It really shows the real life of a student and it is shown by different aspects. Also, building on Ivan's point, perhaps you could have a certain order to your stanzas so that it can give your readers some space for analysis too!
In addition, your poem can make many classmates identify with. I can see the twist from a rather negative feeling to a more positive feeling at the end. This is very good for the development for your poem.
To put all the above into a short sentence, it would be "Very well done, Daniel!"
2I125
Dear Daniel,
ReplyDeleteI feel that this is indeed a nicely crafted poem. It actually truly reflects how we do feel as a student. Perhaps, you could add it some parts of our holidays and then compare it to our current day school life now as a secondary two student. As for the second last stanza, the second line sounds slightly out of place, perhaps you could quote something else from another teacher. I do believe that there are actually some points which you have left there for us to infer on our own, which i feel is what makes up a good poem. Everything should not be fed to the reader.
All in all, good job daniel.
Gordon Koh 2i115
Hi Daniel,
ReplyDeleteThis is an excellent poem, although i did not know in the past that you knew how to write poems. This is a very good poem about school life and how you feel and this poem can enable the readers to understand you better. I do not really know what is Asperger's Syndrome but i hope that it is not anything serious.
Hope that you can make more interesting poems
Cheers, Jiun Wei
You didn't include the, ya-know. :(
ReplyDeleteAnyway, on-topic, you sure have improved this poem from the last time I saw it.
I somehow seem to be notorious around these regions as a nitpicker, so I might as well live up to that reputation. Firstly, HCI and WiFi don't really rhyme(HCI ends with an 'eye' sound, WiFi ends with a 'fye' sound, and your poem seems to be a 1-2-3-2 format, so I think it would be best if you could find a good way to fix it.)
Nitpick time over, next. This poem is extremely good, for it shows how much you have improved over the past year from the Sec 1 who loves to slack to the Sec 2 who is much more mature and prepared for the tough journeys ahead like CSE, BSC, and the like. Note that while Edison did say that 'Success is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration', while you included discipline, do note that during Edison's time, there were no such things as FACEBOOK, MOUSEHUNT and the like. :)
Alex Liew (17) 2i1
P.S. Ms Huang, if you HAPPEN to see this, THIS does not link to my blog. :P This account was used for my infocomm studies blog last year. I needed to use this account as only people with Google Accounts can comment.
P.P.S. Daniel, if possible, can you include the part where, you know, that part, yeah. :D